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February 15th, 2011

05:02 pm: My Valentine's Day:

Current Mood: soresore

July 15th, 2010

04:38 pm: I have to take approximately 2,816 pills a year just so I can physically function.


I'm not complaining though because without them I might be dead.

"It could be worse..."

It can always be worse. Always. Be thankful for what good you have, even if it's only a little.

Current Mood: complacentcomplacent

July 8th, 2010

04:31 pm: I haven't listened to Broken Social Scene since 2004 or 5... What the fuck. This is so good.

And Interpol? I know people rip on them constantly but that's mostly because they're famous. This is so good, too.

That is all.

Current Location: HOME
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Interpol

May 27th, 2010

11:00 pm: The entries I used to write were so much more philosophical than the ones I concoct these days. I'm jealous of who I was five years ago as far as writing goes.

Current Mood: complacentcomplacent
02:16 pm: I think my icon picture is something like seven or eight years old.

Holy shit.

I am too lazy to change this though.

Anyway. I am terribly hungover right now. It's one of the first hangovers I've ever had since I tend to avoid getting shitty from the stuff. I mean yeah, last night was awesome, but this? This sucks. Boooo.

Current Mood: sickhungthefuckover

April 20th, 2010

02:04 pm: A doozy of an entry...
Today is the five year anniversary of Andy's death. I absolutely cannot believe it has been five whole years already. It seems like yesterday I met Andy as a 5th grader at Ryan Naegel's birthday party he threw at Roller Kingdom and then we started chatting on AIM when is name was Andy311911. It seems like yesterday we were running from the police in Nowhere, Alabama while laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation we were in. It seems like yesterday he held my hand while I got my first ever piercing... and he laughed at me for jumping, which is totally an "Andy thing" to do. It seems like yesterday Andy and I shared those innocent teenage feelings for one another, the kind that don't lead to people dating; it was nothing more than a sweet crush. It seems like yesterday we were all lined up at the hospital, hanging onto his family's every word in hopes of hearing some good news. We never did. It seems like yesterday Alex was a pallbearer while I was holed up in my car throwing up during the funeral. It seems like yesterday all of his closest friends gathered at Ian's apartment for a party in his honor as that is what he would have wanted us to do. It seems like yesterday... It just seems like yesterday as the memory of losing him is still fresh in my mind.

Adrienne, I hope you and your family have a wonderful day despite this painful anniversary. I can't imagine how y'all must feel, especially on April 20th. You are all in my thoughts.

I should probably move on to a lighter topic of discussion...

So I have officially quit smoking as of yesterday. Er, I started to quit yesterday. However you put it. I smoked my last two cigarettes and gave away all of my lighters and ashtrays. John bought me two weeks worth of nicotine patches that are 7mg each (I only smoked about two or three cigarettes to begin with so it would be a little crazy to start off with the highest amount of nicotine which would more than likely make me all kinds of sick). I tried my first patch yesterday and although it didn't take away my cravings 100%, I definitely noticed a difference in the way I craved them. I'll try to make sense of this statement: Usually when I crave a cigarette it's all I can think about and I will do just about anything, even run to the store at four a.m., in order to get my nicotine fix. Last night, however, I would consciously think about wanting one but that was it. I would think about it for a few seconds and then move on. I quickly forgot all about wanting a cigarette. I definitely think I will be able to quit 100% with the support of John, my family, and my friends in addition to these nicotine patches. I've also gotten to where I don't even like smoking anymore because for some reason I all of a sudden started absolutely loathing not only the taste of cigarettes but also the smell of cigarette smoke and the smell of skin and hair after being around the smoke. I didn't use to care but like I said, it all of a sudden became absolutely repulsive to me which is why I got down to two or three cigarettes a day. The only reason I was smoking was because I craved the nicotine.


I've been hanging out with lots of friends lately in addition to John of course. It's fun having him meet all of my friends and visa versa. The other night a huge group of us went out to celebrate Amanda's birthday (unfortunately John couldn't make this event) and every single person had a fucking blast. I haven't laughed so hard in I don't know how long. Everyone was laughing so hard they were gasping. Oh yeah, this isn't exactly exciting but earlier on in the day John, Amanda, Stephen and I went to the beach and laid out for a while. The water is just barely warm enough to swim in. Of course John--being the yankee he is--thinks it's more than warm enough to swim in and spent more time in the ocean than anyone else. He thinks 70 degree water is just fine. What the hell? The ocean here usually gets up to between 86 and 88 degrees during the summer which is almost like a hot tub. This is the kind of water I'm used to, not New England hypothermia-inducing water.

Anyway, Amanda left for Greenville today but she will be back this weekend for another birthday celebration. A group of people including myself are heading up to Myrtle Beach, the white trash capital after Destin, FL. We have the hook up via a Hilton employee Amanda is close to so our beach front rooms will only be about $20 per person if a few people share each room. So yeah, this should be a lot of fun. Oh yeah, we tried to go skydiving this weekend but the Walterboro skydiving club was booked solid for Sunday and not open on Monday. We tried to find another place within two hours of here but the only one cost $240 for one tandem jump! That is ridiculous. That normally costs about $150, give or take a few bucks. Aside from that, the other closest place is just over the NC border in Fayetville. No one felt like driving three and a half hours there and three and a half hours back in one day. I felt so bad for Amanda because she had been looking forward to this ever since I suggested she try it. We should have called for a reservation in advance dammit.

Oh and of course I have to throw in a paragraph about John. Right now I feel as if I like him more and more each day. We have been together for over five months now but it feels like we've known each other for years and years. I really do hate to sound like a lovestruck teenager, especially when I don't want people to think this is just another relationship. It's completely different from anything I've known before. I thought I had a good idea of what "love" is when in reality I hadn't a clue until John. I've never been so happy in my life (and not JUST because of John, but he definitely has a lot to do with it!). I've never been so motivated to better myself (and once again, not JUST because of John :P). Amanda pointed out how amazing he is over and over. I'm glad one of my friends finally got to meet and hang out with him more than once and was able to recognize how special he is. Every day, several times a day, he tells me I'm beautiful... and he means it. A lot of guys have told me I'm beautiful before but either they didn't really feel that way (whether they knew it or not) or they would stop saying those kinds of things after a certain period of time. He makes it a point to tell me at least once every.single.day. I could go on and on and on as y'all already know if and when you read any of my other entries :P There's usually nothing more obnoxious than someone who is in love and won't shut the fuck up about it. I just can't help myself! I try to monitor myself but it's almost impossible to stop talking about how happy I am.

Hmm. I suppose that's about all I have to say for now. So yeah, this is by far one of the more boring entries as far as most readers are concerned but oh well, I love to write, even if it's about absolutely nothing :P

Current Mood: lovedloved

April 16th, 2010

05:01 pm: People actually pay $1 for "virtual gifts?"

... seriously?

Current Mood: amusedamused
04:24 am: Can't sleep!
Thank god I don't have class tomorrow because I cannot sleep. It's not looking good: it is 4:16 a.m. and I am almost wide awake. I hope I can fall asleep by sunrise. Normally I would turn off the tv, lights, and computer before forcing myself to sleep (which usually takes about an hour) but on Thursday nights I don't have to do this. Even when I stay up this late I don't sleep in too terribly long, so eventually the lack of sleep can really get to me. Thank god for afternoon naps though!

Anyway, this weekend I am going skydiving for the 2nd time. I am taking Amanda for her birthday too and I can't wait for her to do this! She will get addicted too, I know it. We're also gonna go to Myrtle Beach and stay at the Hilton for her birthday not this weekend but the next. I can't wait for that either.

I suppose there's not a lot else to talk about. The Blue Angels are in town and thanks to my step-dad we get to see and hang out with them off and on throughout the weekend. Over 100,000 people are expected to come to Charleston to see them perform! They are flying over the harbor and downtown area for the first time ever and the show is free to anyone who can see it which is just awesome. My parents have the perfect vantage point with this porch that's on the top of their house. It's really cool: There's this spiral staircase that goes up the side from the porch below in the backyard and it opens up into this flat area on the roof with a railing around it. You can also climb over the railing and onto the rest of the roof which is really cool (especially when you're in high school and smoking cigs in the middle of the night haha). ANYWAY. We watched them practice today and it was just amazing. I saw them when I was little but I don't remember them being THIS awesome.

Aaaaand as always I am completely in love. John and I had our five month mark (don't call it an anniversary dammit! It's NOT an anniversary unless it's a year. "Anniversary" means YEAR. I HATE it when people say, "Oh my god, it's our three month anniversary!" GAH.). I can't believe it has been five months. It actually feels like longer because we spend every day together and we get along so famously; it's amazing. We don't fight. Never have, probably never will. Usually people start fighting by this point if they spend every single day together. I can't imagine ever fighting with him. Yeah, we disagree on some things like politics and whatnot but I think that keeps it interesting. I learn a lot from his differing views and visa versa. Besides, it would be boring if we agreed on every little thing. So yeah, we don't fight, and there's no other person we'd rather spend our time with than each other. It's the most amazing relationship I've ever experienced by far, in case you can't tell by my constant blabbering!

Current Location: Charleston, SC
Current Mood: satisfiedsatisfied
Current Music: TV

April 5th, 2010

I've spent the weekend visiting my dad, step-mom and their family and friends at Lake Martin in Alabama. I decided to take John with me so he can get an even better feel for THE south (not "the south" he thinks he knows, because in all reality, he hasn't a clue). He pointed out the fact that a course in redneck-ism wasn't necessary because even though he is a yankee (born and raised in New York), and even though this basically makes him an alien of sorts, he has a "green card" to the south in the form of his military background. Oh, how southerners love military men. You know, supporting the troops and whatnot.

Supporting the troops is a popular sport here.


I broke him in slowly by introducing Steak 'N' Shake (which apparently exists throughout the eastern U.S. but still), Krystal's, etc. before moving on to the big stuff: spending time with a 100% southern family. He has met my dad and step-mom before, and everyone got along because, well, they're all smart, mature adults and they're far from rednecks (it's true: southern people aren't always rednecks).

Anyway, we pushed his education further by appearing at a true southern type party where everyone dresses up to the 9's just to get drunk (this was a popular thing to do when I was at The University of Mississippi, and the girls especially loved wearing nice dresses and whatnot just to go out for five minutes on a Friday night which I found strange at first but later realized can be quite enjoyable once I got over being so anti-everything, a problem I've had ever since I can remember until I finally realized that life can pass you by with an outlook such as that). I also showed everything from grits to how we utilize small-talk regarding completely tacky subjects (gossip is HUGE here!) to fill in the [generally] rare quiet moment.

So yeah, our weekend was excellent and my family adores John. My dad has NEVER let any of my boyfriends sleep in the same room with me before, so in a silly way the fact that he did meant a lot. I mean I dated and lived with someone for two years and even then--even when it's obvious that hello, we LIVE together in the apartment you help us pay for--he wouldn't let us sleep in the same room whenever we went to Georgia or Alabama for a visit. Looking back on it, my father has always been courteous towards the guys I've dated (I started to type "men" but then realized that most of them are more like boys), but he has never really liked any of them. Like the rest of my family he has just been biting his tongue because really, who can change a young female's mind when it has been made up concerning a significant other? This never happens. My family could have told me they hated Kenneth all day long and it wouldn't have changed my mind on him. It just would have caused problems within the family so I can see why they just kept their mouths shut UNTIL shit really hit the fan and obviously something had to be said to me to straighten me out during a very emotional period. Once again, this is a whole other story.

Basically, I just want to mention how much my family adores this man, and my mom seriously thinks we are going to get married. This is something she has never, ever said before and wouldn't dare mention it if she wasn't 100% convinced. I laugh when I hear her say this and then secretly hope this is the case, but I am too smart to allow myself to start making concrete plans of this nature at such a young age. People do that so often and time and time again it only leads to heartbreak. If you plan out every move you're going to make and things don't end up happening that way, you're only setting yourself up for disappointment nine times out of ten, no? I'd rather be realistic and consider the fact that we're ever-changing, especially when so young, than stick my head in the clouds, fingers in the ears, and convince myself that life is always a story with a happy ending. It's a beautiful thought, really, but I am just content with having him in my life PERIOD! Marriage? It can wait for now; there's absolutely no hurry to the alter here, even though that's a popular course of action in the south ;)

... which reminds me, back to the south: I showed Atlanta to John up close by touring the city for about two hours on our way back to Charleston since it's on the way. Normally I would've just jumped on the bi-pass and avoided Atlanta altogether but I wanted him to see the city as well as eat. Especially eat. He seemed to be impressed by it which is nice. It's definitely not the biggest, most bad-ass city in the country but it's nothing to ignore either. We also drove through Augusta and to my surprise the traffic was fine despite the Masters being in full swing and the whole Tiger Woods debacle STILL playing out. Columbia was fine too except for the fact that it was 96 degrees. I kid you not either. NINETY-SIX DEGREES. In April. I hope this isn't a sign of things to come because summers here in South Carolina are already brutal enough.

One more thing: John is on his way to New York to go home while he's on one of his rare breaks. He's stopping in D.C. tonight to visit his friend Todd, whom I spoke to earlier. I like Todd a lot. He also came to Lake Placid, NY when John took me skiing in January which is how I met him and we get along famously. Part of me wishes I could be there but the other part knows that it's good for him to have his manly man time. Maybe he can squeeze some buttsex in there or something before he has to leave in the morning... Hahah. I like giving him a hard time for getting fucked in the ass by the USMC and is therefore technically gay. It's nice to have someone who has a good sense of humor as well because it would suck if he actually took offense to me saying shit like that. This is another reason I adore Todd: we have a similar brand of very in-your-face, morbid humor. We all get it, and none of us get hurt by silly comments like most folks do. Besides, it's all in good fun.

ANYWAY. He will be there for a few days and hopefully making it back by Friday so we can go to Savannah together. I know I'm going with some of his friends and I'm hoping he can join everyone but it depends on how long he wants to stay in Utica (and if he doesn't wanna be there long I don't blame him, no offense to Utica...).

Oh yeah, John just hit his two year mark regarding sobriety. He isn't an alcoholic per say, but he felt that he wasn't able to be his best while drinking and acting out. He had plenty of hard-partying years and enjoyed it, or so he says, but now he wants to focus on his career. Now that he's about to be an officer he has to make these kinds of decisions and I admire him so, so much for this. I honestly don't know if I could stop drinking, and not because I have a problem with it, but because I like it so damn much. Same thing with smoking, which he has given up as well. It's also hard to give up because almost everyone I know drinks and smokes. I can't imagine being in his shoes and watching all of my friends and family drink alcohol because, well, it's basically what we do here in the U.S. I'm seriously having a hard time coming up with anyone I know that 100% does NOT drink alcohol whatsoever.

I'm gonna go watch South Park now...

Current Location: Charleston, SC
Current Mood: amusedamused

March 28th, 2010

10:33 pm: Why am I not surprised?
Although few studies have been made of this phenomenon, a study done in 1981 (1) found that 24% of women who had abortions considered the procedure morally wrong, and 7% of women who'd had abortions disagreed with the statement, "Any woman who wants an abortion should be permitted to obtain it legally." A 1994/95 survey (2,3) of nearly 10,000 abortion patients showed 18% of women having abortions are born-again or Evangelical Christians. Many of these women are likely anti-choice. The survey also showed that Catholic women have an abortion rate 29% higher than Protestant women. A Planned Parenthood handbook on abortion notes that nearly half of all abortions are for women who describe themselves as born-again Christian, Evangelical Christian, or Catholic. (4)

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